“Deny Trauma” – The Courage To be Disliked

The book starts with a dialogue between a Philosopher and a young truth seeker. It sets the premise of the following chapters, namely the possibility of change, happiness, courage, and a simple world.

Can people change?

This chapter presents a clash of views between Freudian psychology and Adlerian psychology, in context of the question: Can people change?

As per the dialogue, Freudian psychology defines a theory of causation depending heavily on the past to dictate present and future decisions. If only past actions are taken in consideration, then the end result or the future is deterministic with no room to maneuver.

Adlerian psychology introduces a counter argument defining theory based on present goals/targets, meaning that every individual action is based on a particular goal or a target.

Trauma?

This chapter shows a contrast between Freudian psychology and Adlerian psychology on the topic: Trauma.

Freud’s view on trauma is that the psychic wounds of the past define the unhappiness of the present. But Adler straight-away rejects this idea of trauma, claiming that no experience of the past on its own can be cause of present success or failure.

However, as per Adler, this does not mean that the past experiences have no influence on current life, it is just that the influence is based on the meaning that we attach to those experiences. To conclude of Adler’s point, everyone is acting based on conscious or unconscious goal, and that goal can be the result of meaning attached to the past experiences.

Emotions?

Based on Adler’s theory, everyone uses emotions to fulfill their own goals, often by fabricating the anger. As per Adler, emotions are used as a tool to complete the motive of individual.

The emotions are subjective and can be taken out whenever needed; the goal of an emotional outburst can be to dominate and submit them to your will, but at the end emotion is only a means to an end.

Does Adler deny the existence of Emotions? Not particularly. It doesn’t completely agree with the notion that emotions control people. Adler claims that people have goals (conscious or unconscious) which invoke emotions in path to completion.

Isn’t this just plain Nihilism? Since as per Adler, Emotions don’t matter, Past doesn’t matter? Not really, nihilism claims that life has inherently no meaning. But as per Adler, meaning attached to past and the goals you have does matter, and they will dictate your future actions. Adler opposes the determinism claim from Freud and is quite opposite of nihilism.

Fine as you are?

Can I be more like person A or person B? This question originates from another question: Are you happy?

For someone to be truly happy one must love themselves otherwise happiness won’t be possible. Being unhappy about your present self is perfectly understandable, but thoughts like if was born somewhere or as someone I would’ve been happy have no merit at all.

Let’s face the reality. You are you and you can’t be reborn as someone else. If you are unable to feel happy right now, then things aren’t right just as they are. You just have to put on foot in front of the other and don’t stop.

As per Adler: The important thing is not what one is born with, but what use one makes of the equipment.

Unhappy, a choice?

The world is sought with differences and fixating on birth conditions doesn’t change reality. Everyone is unique and one does not need to be reborn as someone else to be happy. There only needs to be renewal.

Each action is done for benefit. Not one person in the world who does not seek benefit. If you’re unable to change the state of unhappiness even after knowing the reason and path to action, then it means that you’ve chosen this unhappiness to be beneficial for you and moving away from this unhappiness seems like a loss.

Choice to change?

Why would someone choose to be unhappy? How could someone think that there is benefit in being unhappy?

In Adlerian psychology, personality and disposition equates to lifestyle. Lifestyle in other words can mean a way of life, or how one sees himself and the world.

And lifestyle is something you choose yourself. However the first choice of lifestyle is chosen when young is often unconscious and external factors have a lot of influence on that choice.

After being aware of the concept of lifestyle, continuing the same lifestyle or changing to a new one is completely up to you. With this in mind, note that people can change at any point regardless of the environments they are in.

The sole reason of not changing is your persistent decision of not changing. This persistent decision is fueled by fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of more painful future and many more..

Your unhappiness cannot be blamed on the past or your environment. The sole reason you can seem to change is lack of courage.

You don’t lack competence, you lack courage.

Life here and now!

Changing is simple, make a decision to stop your current lifestyle and adopt a new one that fits your goal. But fear of failure keeps people from ditching the routine for the novel.

People want to live in the realm of possibilities with no chance of failure and no substance. Continually feeding excuses as why one can’t do something is a typical example of this.

Face the music with courage and move on. It will help you get unstuck and be further on your path to happiness. Coming up to continuous excuses to do not something is hard way to live.

Changing you lifestyle means to change how to interact with the world and your own behavior, and it may seem difficult but actually it is quite simple.

As an ultimate truth, one has to change and no matter what has occurred in you life up to this point, it should not have any bearing on how you live from now on.